


It's hardest to find a space in an empty lot

by vityamins



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And my potty mouth, Caffeine fueled 4am adventure, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Grocery Shopping, Humor, M/M, Rating for yurios potty mouth, Why you shouldn't go on ill advised 4am shopping trips kids, Yurio isn't messing about with his knife shoes, the podium family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-12-16 03:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11820258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vityamins/pseuds/vityamins
Summary: Why our favourite skaters shouldn't take caffeine fueled 4am shopping trips, aka Viktor's bad decisions ft exhausted Yuuri Katsuki.I finally managed to get my act together and contribute to the fandom I love, so here - I hope you enjoy!This is basically just fluff and humour.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I finally managed to get my act together and contribute to the fandom I love, so here - I hope you enjoy!

On a clear, spring day, the trip from their St Petersburg apartment to the nearest supermarket was mercifully short. But every journey felt longer than it should, Yuuri decided, when one had one's heart in one's mouth the entire ride. It wasn't that he  _ distrusted _ his husband's driving, per se, but he had always been a firm believer in keeping one's eyes on the road whilst driving. Victor, it seemed, was not. This fact became especially alarming at around about 3:45am after several poorly timed cups of coffee and the Russian's sudden realisation that they were out of lube.

“Yuuuuurriiii….”

“No, Victor. Absolutely not. No.”

“But it's a  _ rest  _ day tomorrow - we have an entire long weekend ahead of us and I don't plan on getting out of bed for the whole of it,” he whined. Yuuri was trying to avoid the man's puppy eyes; they were both still suckers for each other's sad faces.

“It's a good job it's a rest day tomorrow, we'll both be fit for nothing at this rate - let alone anything that could  _ possibly _ require lube.” he silently cursed the malevolent forces that had possessed them to drink anything caffeinated past eleven o'clock. 

“Neither of us are even the tiniest bit sleepy yet, though, and it's only a short-” Yuuri cut in.

“Vitya, darling, I love you. But I am not going out at-” he glanced at the oven clock, “Ass o'clock in the morning  _ anywhere.”  _ Viktor pouted and hauled himself off his fiancés comfortable lap on the sofa to dance around the kitchen island, his cheeks looking to have pinked slightly at the pet names.

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

Viktor paused for a second before quickly striding back over to the sofa, leaning over the back to murmur into his husband's ear.

“ _ Pozhaluysta, moya lyubov?”  _ Yuuri shivered ever so slightly as Viktor grinned, sure he'd won him over. Rather than admit defeat, though, the Japanese man returned the lusty whisper.

“Don't think you can just seduce me into getting what you want, Vitenka…”

Victor liked the new tone the conversation was taking. “And why not,  _ moy dorogoy?” _

_ “Because,”  _ Yuuri turned to fully face his panting husband, “ _ we're all out of lube, you spoon.” _

Oh yeah. Viktor huffed and sat down.

“I'll give you lots of cuddles?” he was reaching his wits’ end. “I'll clean your skates for the next week?” silence. “I'll - I'll…”

_ No! _ His mind shouted.

_ But sex!  _ His heart and dick replied.

_ Heh, butt sex,  _ his mind supplied, momentarily distracted.

“I'll do the dishes for the next week!”

_ Fuck,  _ his mind mumbled. Yuuri turned around so fast he almost got whiplash.

“Get in the car and hope to God we get to the supermarket before the caffeine wears off.”

 

And so, Yuuri ended up slamming his hands on the driver's side dash for the hundredth time.

“Keep your eyes on the road!” he was nearing hysterical; the stress and caffeine were starting to mix in his system.

“But you're so pretty-”

“Neither of us will look pretty pretzeled around a tree between layers of barbie car.”

Five time consecutive gold medallist Viktor Nikiforov sighed and tried to do a fairly good impression of someone taking a driver's test. They had the road to themselves  (as expected- nobody else in Russia would have the poor sense to do an impulse shopping run at 4am) and a perfectly clear night. When the pair reached some 24 hour supermarket though, a whole new array of problems presented themselves.

 

“Where do you want to park?”

“It's the asscrack of dawn; we can park anywhere.” Yuuri was right. There wasn't a single car in the enormous lot, despite the clearly open store. The staff parking must've  been round the back, though that couldn't be that full either; the time was well into the graveyard shift. A pale moon shone high over an expanse of wet concrete and not much else.

“Yeah but where abouts?”

“Near the front, I guess.”

“Aren't the spaces at the front usually all disabled ones?”

“Dunno. I can't see in this light. Just park here then, if you don't want to park at the front…”

“Not there, it's right next to a trolley return. What about under a lamp?”

“We're hardly going to lose track of  _ this,”  _ Yuuri gestured to the car, “it's a completely barren lot. Just park it wherever.”

The car just continued to slowly navigate the weaving path of the car park. It was much harder finding a space in an empty lot than it would seem. Everywhere was a space.

“There's too much choice.” Victor murmured. Thankfully, his sleep deprived and caffeine fueled 4am brain supplied a solution before he either of them really had to think about what they were doing.

He answered on the fourth ring.

_ “One of you geezers better be dying,” _ the voice on the end of the line rasped,  _ “or I'll give you good reason to. My knife shoes and I don't fuck around.” _

“Ah! Yurio, you're awake!” Viktor chirped as his passenger lifted his head from where it had been buried in his hands (in shame or exhaustion, Viktor couldn't tell).

“YOU CALLED YURIO?”

“Listen, if you were in a completely empty parking lot, where would you park?”

“Viktor hang up, it's not fair he needs his sle-”

_ “Are. You. Fucking. Kidding me. _ ” wow, he was starting to regret this decision almost as quickly as he regret trying to pet that raccoon that one time. Even the memory of the deep, sharp scratches down his arms was painful, though not nearly as painful as listening to the blond breathing down the phone. 

 

The line clicked, then went dead.

 

Yuuri’s own phone began to furiously chime. The skater glanced at his screen before throwing Viktor a look TM .

“You might want to start looking at Mexican real estate.”

Oh.

 

In the end, they settled on what was, in hindsight, the worst spot in the lot. But that's just how these things seem to work, really.

 

Dawn was croaking through the curtains as the couple finally threw their groceries on the kitchen counter and slumped on the sofa. A pack of apples, a reasonably priced hoodie and two different brands of saltine crackers sat in their plastic bags; the skaters being too tired to put them away or give a shit about saving the environment.

 

“Never…”

“...again”

A long and weary silence fell over the apartment, until a slightly hysterical giggle bubbled over Yuuri’s lips, followed by a moan.

“What?” Viktor turned to him.

“We forgot to get the bloody lube.”


	2. Auther's update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, but I just wanted to share a couple of updates...

Hi guys!

Sorry this isn't really another chapter, but I have exciting news! I finally got a ko-fi account, so if you feel like giving back then drop me a small donation through the link below. I'm working on a couple of series at the moment, so look forward to seeing them soon.

All the best,

Vityamins

If you enjoy my work, I'm also on tumblr at @vityamins-official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support, even if it's just a hit. I love reading comments, so feel free to drop one below!

**Author's Note:**

> Talk to me in the comments please, whether you have feedback or just want to say hi :)  
> Every comment helps me transition from the spaghetti goblin I am to a (semi) functioning human being


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